The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize