Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
