it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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