the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex