I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
