Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
