i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
