you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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