Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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