I wish they made helmets for livers.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize