if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
