chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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