The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize