I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
