i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think my tv is drunk
so that wasnt chicken after all
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
