drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize