OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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