Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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