did you get engaged???
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
