Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
