currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
