I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
