Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
