She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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