Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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