drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize