What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize