But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I deserve this hangover.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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