So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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