yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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