Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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