I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
