i may or may not be watching the land before time
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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