This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
