I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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