i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
