Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
