Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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