Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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