you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
