with your own penis?
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
