i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
