Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
