I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
