Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
