life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
