Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
