he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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