$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
