Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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