Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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