He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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