what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
