God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
