Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
