so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize