he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
