i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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