I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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