i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
