Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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