Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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