no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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