after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
