At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
