I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
