He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
